Help..am getting off track!

Usually, my blog starts with just a few lines and ends up in an unprecedented epistle..
But tonight...am too 'sober' to type so many words..
I just realize how much i think and speak negative recently...my heart seems to revolt

I seem to dwell on wrongs,play it back on my mind several times till it becomes a settled thought
Yet..i know its easier to forgive seventy times seven times than to replay wrong deeds
suddenly i find such a wide           GAP                     between knowledge and practice

Holy spirit pls help me...am seriously 'majoring in minor''. Where is my child-like heart?

Help me to give the benefit of doubt several times till the wrong becomes insignificant
When it is already made significant...remind me of your word,guide me unto all truth that I may be free from such negative thoughts
Help me to be wise
Help me realize how much forgiveness i have received so i can easily forgive

thank you HS.xxx

nyt(chuckles)

Pure Honesty...Holiness redefined

Thanks to Gladdie, Bernard and Mike(GBM) for the rich sharing n bible study yesterday...
When Bernard opened to 1Pet 1 and mentioned the topic on 'holiness' i thought it was one of the sermon on d mount when you feel so depressed about your inability to match 'perfection' and all but was totally wrong..holiness can be wrongly percieved...

vs 13...Be holy means remain holy keep at it..but how? i really want to but eish..somtimes i can't help but let my carnalty take over..just yesterday i treaded the path of unholiness...could feel a conviction deep within but seemed like i was negotiating with the HS...that i will soon snap out of it and be back to him...but he longs for a time when i will remain there by His grace...now that's what helps..G-R-A-C-E,not my strength.

But then vs 13 also talks about self control..controlling actions..ok now that i know it is by grace..why am i being asked to be in control of my self..oops! isn't this gonna drive me crazy?? seems contradictory...But i love my father's words(Bible) because it strikes a balance. Meaning Toyin has a part to play by yeilding her power of choice for the HS  to help her.

Back to the concept of Holiness, we(GBM) all seemed to agree that God desires truth in the inward part more than anything else. He calls David a man after His own heart despite his shortcomings. So it means holiness is about being pure and honest about our thoughts,feelings and actions. You know sometimes the moral code robs us from such honesty..(most times actually)
 i'd rather say "God,i really don't like this person,i feel they are nasty and pretentious,but would you help me love them?"
Or "God i could do with a sweet kiss right nw i feel like being cuddled and all..but will rathr wait on u for the right time"
Or "God..right now i want to abscond from school(lol)..its pretty hectic but let ur will be done in these tough courses,give me grace and help me reflect ur glory"

Yes he is my God,my heavenly AWESOME father but may I not forget we are still best of friends.

Be holy,for I am holy.ojigbijigbijigbi!!! H-O-L-Y  like THE ALMIGHTY GOD?
Seems too much to ask but i ofeten forget i carry God in my spirit, since i accepted Jesus as my Lord and saviour,i have been granted access to the throne of grace. That means God can work thru me to be holy

How about my flesh that constantly wages war against my spirit and my soul that has been clogged with a lot of mundane things and fast losing its sensitivity to the things of the Spirit?

Every moment...everyday..i experience the immeasurable love and goodness of God,i really don't think He will ask me for something impossible. He left the most calm,sweet, loving, caring,intelligent friend(HS)with me. HS is even so Holy..first word in His name. Trinity is represented within my spirit...my innermost being but there is still this daily struggle with my body and spirit and guess what the soul is not neutral at all oo.It's craving after the body..but all join na for my Jesus..jump up let ur head touch d ceiling...U have been redeemed by grace and will eventually do what the spirit dictactes.

Am so excited...cos I know everyday in everyway I am being transformed into the image of Christ to reflect God's glory.

Dear Blog..may I start putting my body under subjection by getting back to studying and leaving this blog?

lol..am writing exams by the way..first paper was great by God's grace..next will be excellent in Jesus name(Amen)

Bye blog...c u in real time....miss u

Update...GBU

Dear Blog,
I'v got quite a number of things to share but i dont know where to start right now...  its been a mix of the good,bad and the ugly(GBU).
-------------------------------resumed update after 4 hrs -------------------------------------------
Yaay!!! after the four hrs brk i got good news blog,Pp got her travel ticket at last,she's coming!!!
Then ..remember 'His protocol'..its moving to ethics November 1st. Pratically no weekend for me tho but also my acada days' gradually coming to an end
This semester has been one of a kind, Lucy Gilson needs her students to be telephatic in Health Policy and Planning and Di Mclantyre is ready to transform me into an Health economist 'overnight'

-----------------------------resumed update after 25hrs ---------------------------------------------
So i got Helen's comments today and 'His Protocol' is finally moving to Ethics. Through the eyes of faith I see all crooked places being made straight already.yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!! TUJ

Am also likely to move back to Palm Mews next year...God's will be done but 'we'(of course HS and I) need a comfortable place to write up 'His thesis' trlalalalalalalalalalal school's almost over for now(chuckles!)

Ugly..my EHS assignment and HPP weren't good, 50% and 57% (I wanted to cry cos that means studyg hard and smart to make up in final exams)...okay so protocol took virtually all the time but that aint smart enuff..shld have prioritized accordingly...ding-dong(past tense)...Now am trusting God for wisdom as i study.

Tralala, i don't remember the ugly cos this good is sooo good, protocol almost over,Baba u are worthy!!!!
so i hooked up with BSY and BJY on BB,twas a nice re-union,we laffd,gisted, and all..now to d big question and she gave me her usually blunt but good advice...
K long after discussion...i just had to re-wind and snapped into the maybe,probably mood.Tolu was God-sent, she stretched her hand and pulled me up. The HS just reminded me of Father's promises and that All things work together for good.

Bad....early dis week i was so overwhelmed by guilt and all the should've would've. could've....it was just not easy looking forward,hind screen became much wider and wind screen shrank into oblivion.
Felt better when my friend encouraged and prayed for me...come blog,lemme whispher the name of this friend...i don't want anyone eavesdropping(lol). This took longer cos i just couldn't sleep,was rly down but somehow i knew HS was interceeding for me and maybe some good frds.. chuckles!!!

Bad too...i had a misunderstanding with a friend last night....WE need to make some critical decision HS,pls guide and direct.U reminded me all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose and I am so joyous just trusting(I hope my friend is too). I can only see through the eyes of my father and all I see is good,not about a thing, person or event but the MASTER PLAN...For He alone knows the thought he has for each one of us, definitely good and not evil to bring us to an expected end..what is the expected end...TRUST. One thing is that at the 'expected end' swt HS will convince dat this is the 'expected end'. Until then...childlike,undaunted,unwavering trust..mode.

I miss u blog...but need to finish up 'Observation Grid for 'His protocol'.

Brb..don't know when tho...

Sandy pearls

Covered by stony sands

Characterised by rough edges

Some parts glowing with such unique radiance

Sandy pearls peeps through the door

Waiting to be let out

Shocked to be turned back

Refiner covers it with more sand and places it in fire

Oh how it hurts!

Please let me be 'it' screamed

Never gonna be perfect anyway

Refiner smiled seeing a radiant glow

His perfect reflection waiting to show

Tho oblivious of its radiant potential

Yet reminded of  refiner's tender care

Sandy pearls looked forward to

Being tagged "A pearl of great price"

Ready for the master's use...

(Mat 13:46)

  

Inspired by Joel Osteen's sermon : Developing your Pearl

Where's dat secretive (introverted) me?

It didn't feel like extreme babbling
Until i asked...
Feels like am being cajouled into babbling still
Followed by a dead silence
Jolted bk to reality...how much i miss d secretive (introverted) me
Although redundant...you av always been a loyal part of me

With open arms am welcoming u back to limelight
Please don't bring along d nuisance called 'pride'
Was happy to be rid of it...
Come as u are- pure and whole
Dat secretive introverted part of me!

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,
I am going through a phase right now...its so confusing
Met a new friend...(i know its no news but em...kinda cool)
Broke through my resistance of 'no extra time'
Not yet my heart tho...I am soo guarding it BGG

Ok, so he is just a friend oo,don't mind anyone sneering and saying otherwise,
Like jj who thinks am 'falling'
And Blessing who thinks am on the verge of 'falling'
Or Gladwell who thinks am just being conservative
Or Pp who thinks am silly...she says No LDF

(Above all the HS who knows every evry..lol)

Oh blog, do u think....? well...i hope not!
Well here's d deal,i kissed dating goodbye yrs ago,but i woke up recently and saw Dating snooping around my crib...asking to be let in..here's the big question: Did i kiss dating goodbye or goodnight???
I was so sure I said goodbye..with teardrops on my cheek
Dating...i had concrete reasons to bid u farewell and its still same,I haven't changed my mind
Just that time is too precious+my heart too treasured to keep wandering...
I know we'v had som 'fun-filled' adventure but i insist...goodbye dating!

D lounge is no longer available,HS and I are having business tea-break in d same longue
Bye dating...............byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Brb dear blog,i need to finish up EHS assignment
More gist soon(wink*wink)

Lets Go!!!

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I remember reading the novel "Lady in waiting" 5yrs ago...thanks to Roh(miss u gal)
I made up my mind to be a lady of reckless abandonment to God...
I wish i could say I never looked back since but the first 3yrs was like a marathon race with silly stops...
At some point it appeared like a 'redundant state' even though my vow kept ringing in my ears
Would get up..put on my helmet of salvation+sword of the spirit;both dropped from from time to time
Prayer seems sometimes like a routine..a 'must do' every morning and 'sometimes do' at night
Then the breastplate of righteousness was under my box...an occassional wear
And the belt of truth was always on my waist with little or no effort to keep tightly fitted

Eish...i so relied on my own strength and principles.
Oops! the shield of faith was like a last resort...to quench the feiry darts of the enemy
Then... my evangelism sandals was most underutilized meaning I walked 'bare-footed'
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In the last 2yrs...I realized the place of Grace in the race!
More interested in cultivating my relationship with Christ into a sizzling daily romance than bearing the name 'His Bride'
Better than before although the road isn't free from twists and turns...
Only difference this time is my willingness to rely on,trust and obey Him...Not there yet,but not walking alone either.
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Gladwell-my sweet flatmate recently shared how the Bible records Jesus being worried (more than anything else) if he will still find FAITH on earth when he returns ...(How true!)
Here's the big question: Am I waiting with my lamp burning like when we first met?
Today, I woke up with 2Tim 3 ringing repeatedly in my head particularly the phrase in Mat 24 'The love of many will wax cold...in the last days'.
One of my inspiring friends I recently met gave me an insight as to why 'the love of many wax cold'
Not tarrying in the place of prayer and meditation to get a fresh anointing daily...sooo true!!!
The place of prayer isn't a remote location but the heart...do i mediatate day and night? Do I take a step further to observe and do what is written therein through the help of the HS?

My evangelism sandals needs to be strapped on my dainty feet ASAP...
The harvest is truly great but labourers are few
Wake up my spirit soul and body!
Wake up comrades!!!
But hold on oo... I can't go without His presence,His power and His promise.
These trio are only obtainable in the throne room...chill T,don't try moving a foot without these three
Like Moses: 'If u presence doesn't go with me,I aint moving an inch father'

Lets put on d whole armour of God(Eph 6:10-) The arm of flesh will fail us...Lets go prepared with our best friend,and navigator..the Holyspirit!

His...Protocol

As I looked through my research protocol...
Couldn't help but think there's still a lot to be done dotting the 'Is' and crossing the 'Ts'
Anyone who reads through should get a grasp of the study objective at least..
Wish it was that easy but got a 'perfectionist' as supervisor..good but that means more work
And a co-supervisor who happens to be one of the managers in charge of TBIC: the study focus
With a course convenor,who wants nothing less than a health systems research
Plus a co-course convenor..fresh from Wits..he has just concluded an 'award winning'case study

Various comments from the four intellectuals, how am i supposed to reconcile conflicting ideas/comments?
Well..I started, most times spending hours just brainstorming what,why,how,which....oh no!
It then occured to me the first question..why TBIC?Is my inspiring heart throb aware of every phase..
Is He being carried along? Oh no! i mentioned it passingly once or twice
I call him when am out of my wits end..and thats about all I remember doing

Hmnnn..He is so gentle and meek,waiting to be invited right from the start..
Knowing the mind of each of the four supervisors,
He is able to harmonise their comments and ideas

He wants people to live free from infection...
Gave men wisdom to adopt such infection control measures
Still busy inspiring His beloved princess to explore such thematic area

Been through the mountains,valleys....
Moments of inspirational rush and brain fatigue
All the same..I need to bear in mind..it's His protocol..yes His!

And whatever is borne of God overcomes...
His grace is sufficient for me..His strength made perfect in my weakness

Can I trust you?

If after 18+ years of acquaintance, 9yrs of 'intimate' relationship tho xterised by brk up,make up phases
which ended up deepening the affection,creating more understanding and supposedly built trust and devotion...
Your soul mate looking so doubtful, fearful and lost spills these words: 'Can i trust u?'

 How would u feel? Betrayed, hurt, disappointed or humiliated...

Well, i just did and this time around He didnt wrap me in his arms to reassure me..
But in such rare combo of tenderness&firmness; turned my face towards his and declares...
Babe, I will always be there...its been 27yrs,isn't it time u let me into that innermost part?
I want all of u...
Let me handle it baby,
Before you were formed in ur mother's womb, i have always been there!
Where is that childlike trust?Who tampered with ur unwavering faith? What have you been focusing on lately?

Yes u can always trust me! Here is my grace..just sufficient for u Oluwatoyin.

I sobbed
Lost count on how many times i have doubted His ability through me
Inspired by His grace,i focus on the author and finisher of my 'undaunted' faith.

NO! when 'permissive' winks at 'assertive'

'I was wondering if you could...'

'I have been through a lot lately and I need...'

'What can I do without you...'

'I can only trust your judgement so please...'

'You really can spare some time for my...'

'I know you love God and will like to help people so...'

'Sorry I haven't been in touch for a while but i need you to...'

Do these lines sound familiar? Lol

At one point or the other we may have used those slippery manipulative lines for a sibbling, friend, parent, hobby or even grandma/grandpa.

Or maybe you know some sweet,snuggly person who is fond of using those lines.

At the back of your mind are biblical principles of 'Love being the more excellent way'

'Do good to all men especially those of the household of faith' 
We could go on and on...but here's the point when the 'permissive manipulator' winks at the 'assertive'.

One of my inspiring friends 'Darlyn' humorously wrote in a recent mail that even Jesus was assertive.
The two letter word No! is a must have to subdue any subtle manipulation.

Have you ever wondered why God made us in His image,loves us unconditionally,sacrificed His only begotten son to pay for our sins yet leaves us with a vital tool: THE POWER OF CHOICE???
Oh! so if our father isn't manipulative or controlling the trait must be from the other side...
Did i just say from the other side? guys lemme be frank with you it's D-E-V-L-I-S-H!

 'Peer-pressure'....'Giving in to man-made doctrines'...'Brain wash' ,such manipulative words have been  coined into the social,religious and political settings but wrapped in a bit of emotional blackmail as 'gentleness' 'humility' 'meekness' 'amiable@all cost' 'easy going'. Be not decieved, there's a difference between timidity and humility.

So if saying No! gets you blacklisted today, that book might be the 'Guiness book of records' wrapped in black cardboard actually(lol...) but seriously,even Peter stood up in boldness prefering to honour God rather than men. I'd rather have my name in heaven's book of life.

To my fellow people pleasers...well I recently chose the smart assertive way but there's still this little sweet girl i give the eye signal to sit still until i beckon at some point(lol).And it feels so much lighter and I found my days more productive.Learn those two alphabets: 'N' for Noble and 'O' for Orange.

Victim of manipulation...check your motives dear,are u really interested in helping or its all about you?Common! Ur price is far above rubies.U really don't wanna get stuck with people who sulk and whine forever at assertiveness do you? So When next the permissive winks at the assertive peops, brace up,shoulders square and say No!

Let's remember to be polite and not aggressive though,but still spill out that word like you mean it..NO!!!


Have a fabulous week!!!

Hands off! mould as it seems best...dear Potter

I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him(Jer 18:3-4)MSG

The marred pot was certainly me
Telling God exactly where I crave his pre-eminence in my life
Drawing a bold RED boundary line on those aspects of my life it seems I could handle.
Emphasizing the 'no-go areas' as often as I could

Yet all those drama happened while I was in the Potter's hands.

Couldn't He drop the stubborn clay and pick yet another willing and recklessly abandoned one that would allow thorough moulding in few minutes?Why didn't he give up on me after so many years of stubborness and self-will?

Waoh! this potter is different,He sees the good in this self-willed clay.
Potter says ‘Don’t destroy it, there is still a blessing in it'(Isaiah 65:8b)MSG

Just then,I looked into my patient Potter's eyes,so full of love,graciousness and expectation;hoping I see what He sees and allow Him mould me as it seems best to Him...
Slowly,I sighed from my restlessness as I let go in absolute surrenderedness and childlike trust.
Forgetting my worldly wisdom and fantasies to be carved with curves and shapes in appropriate places
I yielded to the Potter and He's making the best out of 'T-clay'
I have never experienced so much joy,peace and refreshing calmness just leaning on Him and allowing my Potter make the best out of His master-piece.I am loving every bit of the reform and transformation..

Guess what! The best news ever.. I am being re-moulded into the Potters very own image.

Are you still restlessly dictating to the Potter?why not let Him have His way today?You will realise He's got the best taste ever and more...
Let Him mould you as he seems best to Him dearie.