Riches-sorrow=God's blessing

God's blessing makes rich and adds no sorrow...

When you pass through the fire, i will be with u...

All things work together for good...

Eyes have not seen,ears haven't heard,imaginations can't conceptualize what God has planned for his beloved

okay,those are my daddy's promises and they never fail.

Sometimes...i wonder which of them i need to hold on to right now

Dear HS, u can reveal the mind of God,pls share with me

I don't wanna be in the dark...

No matter what,i trust you and will wait for you!

Rest in the Lord

Anyone can keep calm in the absence of adversity
But experiencing stillness,calmness,peace in the midst of challenges is priceless

Peace that isn't dictated by wordly attainment or men's applause

A sense of warmth and undaunted faith in God

The basis of our sizzling relationship that will last forever

Jesus i love u, u r d best of the best of the best of the best.....

When am tempted to move from the calm zone,you quiet me with your love and rejoice over me with singing(Zeph 3:17)

May you remain sufficient  forever and ever and ever and ever

Simplicity- We met by chance

Dear Blog,
Remember His protocol...its in the final phase right now
Makes me wanna pull out every strand of my hair...
But am blessing God for the finished work he started...
It is finished! Done deal BGG

okay so i took a break and decided o visit my not so popular yahoo mail
Look who i found online..Bolaji
Lol..ok,so i met him at a aptitude test centre..he later told me tho
I was busy writing this test and hoping i get a steady job shortly before i completed NYSC way back in 2007

I noticed our invigilators,but there was this particular one who came to collect my test...i didn't finish before my time was up tho...
And i didnt get to the next interview phase too..lol
Ok,so i got a mail from this guy sayg he was one of the invigilators from d aptitude test and he just couldn't help contacting me...he is so attracted...gosh!
How on earth could he be so unethical..told him i could sue him for getting my details in such an illegal manner..and that i wasn't interested in the job!!! Even if i was being considered,what audacity???

Well,there was something very simple,gentle and easy going about Bolaji's response..there and then i knew we will be friends..
Bolaji checkd me at work one day and that was how we became friends..for a yr plus
He obviously wanted more...take home to mama and all sorts but right from day one till now ...my feelings and response didn't change but he was that brother i never had
5 yrs later....we did chat,he's settled down with a son,lucky woman i must say and lucky boy too
But Bolaji remains a special friend
We quickly reminded each other about the simple way we met,his undying love for indian films and songs,hahahaha
Tho i didn't tell him this, i rmember when Bolaji once called and knew i was very ill...rushed straight to d clinic, brought me home -rushed to get groceries from his car...my normal -thanks,but No! quickly embraced him
lol...omg,dat day he insisted sayg.."ok Toyin,i agree,u don't wanna go out with me,but am not doing this cos of that, I JUST CARE"

He sounded reprimanding for the first time..and Bolaji is one guy i respect..i could be with him for a couple of hours just comfy...he only reminds me abt the proposal in btw and quickly adds 'no pressure'
I see it in his eyes,i sense it in his gesture but my answer remained No! And yes he respects my stance as well as my body too...No tapping current either stylishly or deliberately

The most popular question...

Why...did i say No? Relationship when we met was a No! no! Just broke off with my ex and i wasn't just ready
Besides,the fact that i couldn't be convinced otherwise shows we aren't meant for each other

One thing i knew...if Bolaji continues this way..a lucky,virtuous lady's prayer has been answered just around the corner...
A yr afterwards,Bolaji was transfered to Lagos....we did chat a couple of times.Told me he was in a relationship and not too happy but told him i'l be prayg for him.
Years after...now....he's happily married with a son..asked how many kids i have now,i smiled and told him am not there yet but it's probably his turn to keep praying for me...quickly reminded me of his popular lines..and nickname 'W.M'
Amen! i actually felt lifted...cos den i had some hard to describe 'look where u are' thoughts on my mind-But i know its the lie of the enemy, Quickly used my sword to debunk it-He makes ALL things beautiful IN ITS TIME!!!

Life is simple...we meet our good friends by chance and they end up beautifying our lives forever.
Now am not in the habit of keeping in touch with guys i know liked me at one point or the other..Bolaji won't be an exception..but we sure will remain friends as far as there is a need for such discrete communication.

I am thankful dr God for all my friends..but i  will like to meet that special one i never have to say goodbye to and when the time comes i know u will give me a permanent clue(chuckles)...until then,i patiently wait....
serving...joyful...trusting like a child i am in ur sight dear father....mwaah

The space between us(Building 429)

My darling Lord, seems av been too busy for u... tho some lines fit into romantic realities but i miss u most...times when i don't check the time in ur presence,i just enjoyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy u-me time,i can't seem to remember,been a few days and i miss u Pls erase it and bring us back togethr again

Here goes those lyrics that speak my mind..

Look at my heart again
Look at the mess I've got it in
I'm trying to trust in You
To know that you'll see me through
Through my pride
Through my shame
Into Your love
Into Your grace
I'm not looking back
Till I see Your face
And I'm running straight to You
Because
All I really want to do is to fall into
The emptiness that is
The space in-between us
To break this division
All I really want to do is to fall into
The emptiness that is
The space in-between us
Erase it and bring us together again
My life's like an open book
Nothing is hidden when you look
You break through my boundaries
Revealing my insecurities
But through my pride
And through my shame
You show me love
You show me grace
I'm not looking back
Till I see your face
And I'm running straight to you
Because
Here I am saying I need you
I know I need you
Here I am, I'm coming to meet you
Cause I want to see you

Adieu dear virtuous Whitney!!!

This is the 15th time am listening to one of my favourite songs of hers-i look to u
I find it hard to believe Whitney's gone
As i listened again to the lyrics of her song...with dat golden,confident voice she definitely wasn't calling out to mere mortal or looking to man for help...she cried to God
i know he heard u whitney...
Did u whisper to him how much rest u anticipate being with Him even in the tub where u breathed ur last?
Am sure he heard u...
Dunno why am believing she's gone to rest against all odds and tabloid gossip
'she had drugs mixed with alcohol' 'twas suicidal' 'she drowned herself'
whatever! Whitney loved Bobby with all her heart and idolized him like her 'god'
Why am I not suprised? she was a vivacious,free-spirited woman born in a xtian home
Groomed to love unconditionally and to submit to God

Perhaps she made a wrong choice at a point in life..choosing the wrong man and putting him before God
But she made no wrong choices loving n submitting to a man...only it was the wrong man
Had it been she allowed God inspire her at the point of choice...Whitney would have been one of the best models of xtian women.
How many wives of clergy men can submit totally or support their husbands in doing right..yet they carry loud megaphones to say 'it is important to marry the right man o.' True tho but....

How many babes who made such seemingly right choice are  as good natured and free-spirited as Whitney?
While i really agree with the fact that she would have made the right choice,
i celebrate the black vivacious woman with the golden voice like Tracy Chapman's
whose gait oozes such confidence and elegance
whose spirit still yielded to God's conviction about drugs
Who remains grateful to mama for her unconditional love and fervent prayers for restoration
Who loved her daughter so passionately,the young woman would prefer dying with her mom

Whitney..you weren't my role model but i learnt some positive things about you which are very biblical,yet i can't find in so called female role models in church?

something so sincere, so expressive, so passionate, so loving

Whitney i dare to tag u a 'virtuous woman'.

Thank you for leaving such great legacy behind and teaching me how to carefully make choices yet never daring to be someone else..

Pls tell me you whispered to Jesus before your last breath...

May i stay focused in d race and recieve so much grace to trace my pace to heaven(Amen).
I really look forward to seeing you in heaven by God's grace...Whitney pls,pls be there....so we can sing together all day long...

Digger or magnet?

Hmnn....
Few years ago i wrote up a list
Now i can't find it but I remember the major things in my list about desired attributes in my man
I chuckle to think about the difference now..while some things haven't changed
Some things have amazingly changed in my list

But the most important thing i learnt is to be who you desire and this becomes an automatic magnet
Then...you don't have to prove a point about physical or inner qualities
You are who you are whether during good hair days,bright looking days or days of fatigue
You feel secure in your God-given identity...independent of men's appraisal

Loving what you see when the mirror looks at you anytime-anyday
Not out of self-delusion but by godly, biblical standards
You are loved and capable of truthfully commending and appreciating others too
Oh what a blessing!

You are just the one he can't imagine living without..not like an idol
Of course no one can take the place of God..that's GIVEN!
Any other person just won't fit...because its not about digging
But allowing God work in you to attract your kind-just like a magnet

Your inner and outward qualities just suits...
Yes there are compromises but you don't catch yourself making an issue out of such compromises
It just clicks!

Treating everyone who comes your way right
Being a blessing without ulterior motives
Drawing the boundary lines by divine wisdom
Trusting God to jolt you back into reality when slipping into the world of fantasy

But until then..WAIT on the Lord

Not wait for the Lord as we often interprete, HS reminded me recently about a waiter in restaurants

Not referring to Mr Biggs or TFC oo where they can be impolite and rash at times
I mean a tush restaurant with well groomed waiters and waitresses
Who understand the phrase 'customer is king'

It is never about them...they ask what you would like to have(food drink,convenience e.t.c)
They not only stop at 'what' but 'how' and 'when'
The only question they don't ask is 'why' simply because is your call,all about you

That is exactly how its all about God and less self-service during singleness
Even the Bible says an unmarried woman/man
Spends quality time with God and are less distracted

Until i learnt how blessed singleness can be,i had some gloomy,anxious days!
Until i understood lately what it means to WAIT ON THE LORD(WOTL), i peeped through too often
Until i realized my strength lies in waiting on God, i prayed incessantly for strength
Until I discovered what bliss lies in rendering heart-felt service to God, i drowned in self-centredness

Am still learning..thanks to HS: my favourite teacher and friend

Are there still anxious thoughts? Yes! but often short-lived when i remember how am reminded to WOTL
Waiting isn't easy but it becomes easier..much easier when its simply not about us!

Waiting on God isn't a time to check out the highest bidder in carnalty
Who knows tomorrow? Only God can tell who truly deserves our attention and commitment
A digger falls uses the 'highest bidder approach' and often falls for counterfeits
A magnet knows with a clear understanding that God is able to work in her to release potentials
Just a matter of time

A digger's fortune is short-lived but a magnet's contentment is 'peace-full'

Easier said than done, anytime i find myself using some digger approach in my magnetic life; help me to wait on you till i lose such worldly analytical tool for an absolute trust in you

Is 40:31 But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, They run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind.MSG

Hab 2:3 This vision-message is a witness pointing to what's coming. It aches for the coming - it can hardly wait! And it doesn't lie. If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time.MSG

Throw off, persevere, fix your gaze on Jesus!

First post in 2012...happy new year dear blog.
Been  a good start, Daddy got us the nicest flat ever
Comfy with the sweetest leasor one could ever pray for; thanks heavenly dad,u rock!

So, God came through for me after i screamed getting off track in my last blog
Can't explain how much of grace is being released to help me forgive more easily
I got good news about His Protocol. Did i mention ethics approved last December?

Now its a challenge to write a protocol fresh from start, collect primary data and  write up
Usually, the protocol undergoes scrutiny by Research ethics committee
Moves to Provincial ethics committee if need be
And then to City of Cape Town(Local) health management team

All protocols duly observed, you can then start collecting data
Work begins...draft produced
More work...draft reviewed
More work...dissertation submitted
More work..comments
More work...review comments

Then good news,you are finally done! until the next protocol appears on your desk.(lol)
It actually feels like a phD...left home 2010,2 full years of course work and the last yr dissertation
Hectic..but am not complaining about this masters cos its a blessing from God

Is it about seeing an MPH behind my name?well that sounds cool but there is more
How can i contribute to the body of knowledge/practice after 3 additional  yrs
We have massive data on wikipedia, google,scientific publications and several other on line libraries/sources
Yet..we still have massive problems
Seems to me there is its been more of  'problem identification' than 'suggested solutions'

While i commend the intellectual efforts behind 'problem identification' there is more!!!
Some are called to identify problems, others are called to study the problem and suggest solutions
It may take 1 year to identify the problem and 5 years to suggest a solution through research
The big question is "what is your calling?" what is your purpose?

What is worth doing at all is worth doing well...so it doesn't matter how long but how well
HS my favourite teacher and great inspiration..its ur call jooo
Help me keep focused!
Now here is exactly my point; i feel so weary on this journey but...
HS is helping me identify distractions and weight/baggages i need to throw off
He is strengthening my inner man to perservere
And helping me fix my gaze on Jesus..the author and finisher of my faith and degree

What more can i ask for?

Some wonderful people i have come across may not come with me as I continue
Especially if we don't share the same purpose or they are high maintenance friends
Oops! that i can't cope with o,especially when some get pissed for not being contacted earlier
Those are obvious weights that so easily besets..probably easy to identify and throw off

Some sweet friends I have had to cut off, because they don't merely distract but are pulling me off track
Like facebook,BB...hahahaha(But seriously,that can so easily beset me sometimes)requires self discipline
Truth be told not everyone you started with can finish with you...
But i often find myself hugging these baggages so closely and almost dropping my baton for the race

Yet i have no choice but to throw off, persevere and fix my gaze on Jesus.

More of your grace Lord to stay focused, end  well and finish strong