Digger or magnet?

Hmnn....
Few years ago i wrote up a list
Now i can't find it but I remember the major things in my list about desired attributes in my man
I chuckle to think about the difference now..while some things haven't changed
Some things have amazingly changed in my list

But the most important thing i learnt is to be who you desire and this becomes an automatic magnet
Then...you don't have to prove a point about physical or inner qualities
You are who you are whether during good hair days,bright looking days or days of fatigue
You feel secure in your God-given identity...independent of men's appraisal

Loving what you see when the mirror looks at you anytime-anyday
Not out of self-delusion but by godly, biblical standards
You are loved and capable of truthfully commending and appreciating others too
Oh what a blessing!

You are just the one he can't imagine living without..not like an idol
Of course no one can take the place of God..that's GIVEN!
Any other person just won't fit...because its not about digging
But allowing God work in you to attract your kind-just like a magnet

Your inner and outward qualities just suits...
Yes there are compromises but you don't catch yourself making an issue out of such compromises
It just clicks!

Treating everyone who comes your way right
Being a blessing without ulterior motives
Drawing the boundary lines by divine wisdom
Trusting God to jolt you back into reality when slipping into the world of fantasy

But until then..WAIT on the Lord

Not wait for the Lord as we often interprete, HS reminded me recently about a waiter in restaurants

Not referring to Mr Biggs or TFC oo where they can be impolite and rash at times
I mean a tush restaurant with well groomed waiters and waitresses
Who understand the phrase 'customer is king'

It is never about them...they ask what you would like to have(food drink,convenience e.t.c)
They not only stop at 'what' but 'how' and 'when'
The only question they don't ask is 'why' simply because is your call,all about you

That is exactly how its all about God and less self-service during singleness
Even the Bible says an unmarried woman/man
Spends quality time with God and are less distracted

Until i learnt how blessed singleness can be,i had some gloomy,anxious days!
Until i understood lately what it means to WAIT ON THE LORD(WOTL), i peeped through too often
Until i realized my strength lies in waiting on God, i prayed incessantly for strength
Until I discovered what bliss lies in rendering heart-felt service to God, i drowned in self-centredness

Am still learning..thanks to HS: my favourite teacher and friend

Are there still anxious thoughts? Yes! but often short-lived when i remember how am reminded to WOTL
Waiting isn't easy but it becomes easier..much easier when its simply not about us!

Waiting on God isn't a time to check out the highest bidder in carnalty
Who knows tomorrow? Only God can tell who truly deserves our attention and commitment
A digger falls uses the 'highest bidder approach' and often falls for counterfeits
A magnet knows with a clear understanding that God is able to work in her to release potentials
Just a matter of time

A digger's fortune is short-lived but a magnet's contentment is 'peace-full'

Easier said than done, anytime i find myself using some digger approach in my magnetic life; help me to wait on you till i lose such worldly analytical tool for an absolute trust in you

Is 40:31 But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, They run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind.MSG

Hab 2:3 This vision-message is a witness pointing to what's coming. It aches for the coming - it can hardly wait! And it doesn't lie. If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time.MSG

Throw off, persevere, fix your gaze on Jesus!

First post in 2012...happy new year dear blog.
Been  a good start, Daddy got us the nicest flat ever
Comfy with the sweetest leasor one could ever pray for; thanks heavenly dad,u rock!

So, God came through for me after i screamed getting off track in my last blog
Can't explain how much of grace is being released to help me forgive more easily
I got good news about His Protocol. Did i mention ethics approved last December?

Now its a challenge to write a protocol fresh from start, collect primary data and  write up
Usually, the protocol undergoes scrutiny by Research ethics committee
Moves to Provincial ethics committee if need be
And then to City of Cape Town(Local) health management team

All protocols duly observed, you can then start collecting data
Work begins...draft produced
More work...draft reviewed
More work...dissertation submitted
More work..comments
More work...review comments

Then good news,you are finally done! until the next protocol appears on your desk.(lol)
It actually feels like a phD...left home 2010,2 full years of course work and the last yr dissertation
Hectic..but am not complaining about this masters cos its a blessing from God

Is it about seeing an MPH behind my name?well that sounds cool but there is more
How can i contribute to the body of knowledge/practice after 3 additional  yrs
We have massive data on wikipedia, google,scientific publications and several other on line libraries/sources
Yet..we still have massive problems
Seems to me there is its been more of  'problem identification' than 'suggested solutions'

While i commend the intellectual efforts behind 'problem identification' there is more!!!
Some are called to identify problems, others are called to study the problem and suggest solutions
It may take 1 year to identify the problem and 5 years to suggest a solution through research
The big question is "what is your calling?" what is your purpose?

What is worth doing at all is worth doing well...so it doesn't matter how long but how well
HS my favourite teacher and great inspiration..its ur call jooo
Help me keep focused!
Now here is exactly my point; i feel so weary on this journey but...
HS is helping me identify distractions and weight/baggages i need to throw off
He is strengthening my inner man to perservere
And helping me fix my gaze on Jesus..the author and finisher of my faith and degree

What more can i ask for?

Some wonderful people i have come across may not come with me as I continue
Especially if we don't share the same purpose or they are high maintenance friends
Oops! that i can't cope with o,especially when some get pissed for not being contacted earlier
Those are obvious weights that so easily besets..probably easy to identify and throw off

Some sweet friends I have had to cut off, because they don't merely distract but are pulling me off track
Like facebook,BB...hahahaha(But seriously,that can so easily beset me sometimes)requires self discipline
Truth be told not everyone you started with can finish with you...
But i often find myself hugging these baggages so closely and almost dropping my baton for the race

Yet i have no choice but to throw off, persevere and fix my gaze on Jesus.

More of your grace Lord to stay focused, end  well and finish strong

Help..am getting off track!

Usually, my blog starts with just a few lines and ends up in an unprecedented epistle..
But tonight...am too 'sober' to type so many words..
I just realize how much i think and speak negative recently...my heart seems to revolt

I seem to dwell on wrongs,play it back on my mind several times till it becomes a settled thought
Yet..i know its easier to forgive seventy times seven times than to replay wrong deeds
suddenly i find such a wide           GAP                     between knowledge and practice

Holy spirit pls help me...am seriously 'majoring in minor''. Where is my child-like heart?

Help me to give the benefit of doubt several times till the wrong becomes insignificant
When it is already made significant...remind me of your word,guide me unto all truth that I may be free from such negative thoughts
Help me to be wise
Help me realize how much forgiveness i have received so i can easily forgive

thank you HS.xxx

nyt(chuckles)

Pure Honesty...Holiness redefined

Thanks to Gladdie, Bernard and Mike(GBM) for the rich sharing n bible study yesterday...
When Bernard opened to 1Pet 1 and mentioned the topic on 'holiness' i thought it was one of the sermon on d mount when you feel so depressed about your inability to match 'perfection' and all but was totally wrong..holiness can be wrongly percieved...

vs 13...Be holy means remain holy keep at it..but how? i really want to but eish..somtimes i can't help but let my carnalty take over..just yesterday i treaded the path of unholiness...could feel a conviction deep within but seemed like i was negotiating with the HS...that i will soon snap out of it and be back to him...but he longs for a time when i will remain there by His grace...now that's what helps..G-R-A-C-E,not my strength.

But then vs 13 also talks about self control..controlling actions..ok now that i know it is by grace..why am i being asked to be in control of my self..oops! isn't this gonna drive me crazy?? seems contradictory...But i love my father's words(Bible) because it strikes a balance. Meaning Toyin has a part to play by yeilding her power of choice for the HS  to help her.

Back to the concept of Holiness, we(GBM) all seemed to agree that God desires truth in the inward part more than anything else. He calls David a man after His own heart despite his shortcomings. So it means holiness is about being pure and honest about our thoughts,feelings and actions. You know sometimes the moral code robs us from such honesty..(most times actually)
 i'd rather say "God,i really don't like this person,i feel they are nasty and pretentious,but would you help me love them?"
Or "God i could do with a sweet kiss right nw i feel like being cuddled and all..but will rathr wait on u for the right time"
Or "God..right now i want to abscond from school(lol)..its pretty hectic but let ur will be done in these tough courses,give me grace and help me reflect ur glory"

Yes he is my God,my heavenly AWESOME father but may I not forget we are still best of friends.

Be holy,for I am holy.ojigbijigbijigbi!!! H-O-L-Y  like THE ALMIGHTY GOD?
Seems too much to ask but i ofeten forget i carry God in my spirit, since i accepted Jesus as my Lord and saviour,i have been granted access to the throne of grace. That means God can work thru me to be holy

How about my flesh that constantly wages war against my spirit and my soul that has been clogged with a lot of mundane things and fast losing its sensitivity to the things of the Spirit?

Every moment...everyday..i experience the immeasurable love and goodness of God,i really don't think He will ask me for something impossible. He left the most calm,sweet, loving, caring,intelligent friend(HS)with me. HS is even so Holy..first word in His name. Trinity is represented within my spirit...my innermost being but there is still this daily struggle with my body and spirit and guess what the soul is not neutral at all oo.It's craving after the body..but all join na for my Jesus..jump up let ur head touch d ceiling...U have been redeemed by grace and will eventually do what the spirit dictactes.

Am so excited...cos I know everyday in everyway I am being transformed into the image of Christ to reflect God's glory.

Dear Blog..may I start putting my body under subjection by getting back to studying and leaving this blog?

lol..am writing exams by the way..first paper was great by God's grace..next will be excellent in Jesus name(Amen)

Bye blog...c u in real time....miss u

Update...GBU

Dear Blog,
I'v got quite a number of things to share but i dont know where to start right now...  its been a mix of the good,bad and the ugly(GBU).
-------------------------------resumed update after 4 hrs -------------------------------------------
Yaay!!! after the four hrs brk i got good news blog,Pp got her travel ticket at last,she's coming!!!
Then ..remember 'His protocol'..its moving to ethics November 1st. Pratically no weekend for me tho but also my acada days' gradually coming to an end
This semester has been one of a kind, Lucy Gilson needs her students to be telephatic in Health Policy and Planning and Di Mclantyre is ready to transform me into an Health economist 'overnight'

-----------------------------resumed update after 25hrs ---------------------------------------------
So i got Helen's comments today and 'His Protocol' is finally moving to Ethics. Through the eyes of faith I see all crooked places being made straight already.yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!! TUJ

Am also likely to move back to Palm Mews next year...God's will be done but 'we'(of course HS and I) need a comfortable place to write up 'His thesis' trlalalalalalalalalalal school's almost over for now(chuckles!)

Ugly..my EHS assignment and HPP weren't good, 50% and 57% (I wanted to cry cos that means studyg hard and smart to make up in final exams)...okay so protocol took virtually all the time but that aint smart enuff..shld have prioritized accordingly...ding-dong(past tense)...Now am trusting God for wisdom as i study.

Tralala, i don't remember the ugly cos this good is sooo good, protocol almost over,Baba u are worthy!!!!
so i hooked up with BSY and BJY on BB,twas a nice re-union,we laffd,gisted, and all..now to d big question and she gave me her usually blunt but good advice...
K long after discussion...i just had to re-wind and snapped into the maybe,probably mood.Tolu was God-sent, she stretched her hand and pulled me up. The HS just reminded me of Father's promises and that All things work together for good.

Bad....early dis week i was so overwhelmed by guilt and all the should've would've. could've....it was just not easy looking forward,hind screen became much wider and wind screen shrank into oblivion.
Felt better when my friend encouraged and prayed for me...come blog,lemme whispher the name of this friend...i don't want anyone eavesdropping(lol). This took longer cos i just couldn't sleep,was rly down but somehow i knew HS was interceeding for me and maybe some good frds.. chuckles!!!

Bad too...i had a misunderstanding with a friend last night....WE need to make some critical decision HS,pls guide and direct.U reminded me all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose and I am so joyous just trusting(I hope my friend is too). I can only see through the eyes of my father and all I see is good,not about a thing, person or event but the MASTER PLAN...For He alone knows the thought he has for each one of us, definitely good and not evil to bring us to an expected end..what is the expected end...TRUST. One thing is that at the 'expected end' swt HS will convince dat this is the 'expected end'. Until then...childlike,undaunted,unwavering trust..mode.

I miss u blog...but need to finish up 'Observation Grid for 'His protocol'.

Brb..don't know when tho...

Sandy pearls

Covered by stony sands

Characterised by rough edges

Some parts glowing with such unique radiance

Sandy pearls peeps through the door

Waiting to be let out

Shocked to be turned back

Refiner covers it with more sand and places it in fire

Oh how it hurts!

Please let me be 'it' screamed

Never gonna be perfect anyway

Refiner smiled seeing a radiant glow

His perfect reflection waiting to show

Tho oblivious of its radiant potential

Yet reminded of  refiner's tender care

Sandy pearls looked forward to

Being tagged "A pearl of great price"

Ready for the master's use...

(Mat 13:46)

  

Inspired by Joel Osteen's sermon : Developing your Pearl

Where's dat secretive (introverted) me?

It didn't feel like extreme babbling
Until i asked...
Feels like am being cajouled into babbling still
Followed by a dead silence
Jolted bk to reality...how much i miss d secretive (introverted) me
Although redundant...you av always been a loyal part of me

With open arms am welcoming u back to limelight
Please don't bring along d nuisance called 'pride'
Was happy to be rid of it...
Come as u are- pure and whole
Dat secretive introverted part of me!